The “Works on My Machine” Certification Program

Coding Horror ~3 min read
View original
Crawl details
  • current
Summary (TL;DR)
The article is a satirical guide to a fake "Works on My Machine" application certification program. It jokes that developers can earn certification simply by compiling code, launching it, manually testing one simple code path (or skipping this step if the change is under five lines), and checking in. The badge is meant to be displayed proudly but with ego in check. The post then lists other unrelated posts on the blog, including one about gender diversity in programming and one about the drawbacks of physical books.

Joseph Cooney had a brilliant idea for a new application certification program. But Vista’s bland white-on-gray badge, in my opinion, doesn’t properly communicate the... authoritative... nature of said program. With the help of Jon Galloway, we zazzed things up a bit:

Official Works On My Machine Certification Badge

You might think attaining such a prestigious, rigorous level of certification would be far too challenging. But fear not! Participating in this innovative new application certification program is as simple as pressing the F5 key on your keyboard. Just follow the four easy steps Joseph outlined:

  1. Compile your application code. Getting the latest version of any recent code changes from other developers is purely optional and not a requirement for certification.
  2. Launch the application or website that has just been compiled.
  3. Cause one code path in the code you’re checking in to be executed. The preferred way to do this is with ad-hoc manual testing of the simplest possible case for the feature in question. Omit this step if the code change was less than five lines, or if, in the developer’s professional opinion, the code change could not possibly result in an error.
  4. Check the code changes into your version control system.

Congratulations! You’re fully certified. Brand your app with your shiny new Works on My Machine badge. You’ll certainly want to show it off to your fellow team members and key stakeholders. But please – do try to keep your ego in check. Not everyone is capable of such an epic commitment to quality in software engineering.

Related posts

What Can Men Do?

What Can Men Do?

(The title references Shanley Kane’s post by the same name. This post represents my views on what men can do.) It’s no secret that programming is an incredibly male dominated field. * Figures vary, but somewhere from 20% to 29% of currently working programmers are female. * Less than 12%

Civilized Discourse Construction Kit

Civilized Discourse Construction Kit

Occasionally, startups will ask me for advice. That’s a shame, because I am a terrible person to ask for advice. The conversation usually goes something like this: We’d love to get your expert advice on our thing. I probably don’t use your thing. Even if I tried

How to Stop Sucking and Be Awesome Instead

How to Stop Sucking and Be Awesome Instead

I’ve been fortunate to have some measure of success in my life, primarily through this very blog over the last eight years, and in creating Stack Overflow and Stack Exchange over the last four years. With the birth of our twin girls, I’ve had a few months to

Books: Bits vs. Atoms

Books: Bits vs. Atoms

I adore words, but let’s face it: books suck. More specifically, so many beautiful ideas have been helplessly trapped in physical made-of-atoms books for the last few centuries. How do books suck? Let me count the ways: * They are heavy. * They take up too much space. * They

Recent Posts

You Can't "Vibe Code" Love

You Can't "Vibe Code" Love

About a year ago, I was offered a presentation slot at the WeAreDevelopers World Congress in Berlin. I rarely take speaking engagements, especially international ones, but this one arrived at just the right time, the right place, and with the right person – I said yes, on the contingency that Ben

An interactive TWiT Series You're the hero of the story! Choose from 1,024 possible endings. OFF by ONE with Jeff Atwood Hosted by Leo Laporte "every choice changes everything!"

Every Choice Changes Everything: The Show

About 3 weeks ago, Leo Laporte and I recorded the first episode of what will be a new monthly show on the TWiT network. Naming things is hard, and we almost voted on the name, like we did for Stack Overflow, but we quickly landed on Off By One with

Thank You For Being a Friend

Thank You For Being a Friend

It's been one of those months, and by that, I mean one of the 663 months since I was born. This won't be a long post, because I only have two things to say. First, I'm really glad we re-ordered the GMI (Guaranteed

map of the United States via rgmii.org showing all 3,143 counties by rural (gold) / metro (grey) and population

Launching The Rural Guaranteed Minimum Income Initiative

It's been a year since I invited Americans to join us in a pledge to Share the American Dream: 1. Support organizations you feel are effectively helping those most in need across America right now. 2. Within the next five years, also contribute public dedications of time or

I’m feeling unlucky... 🎲   See All Posts